Having a hard time

I wrote a few days ago about how I was switching off enemas to trying things like psyllium husk and chia seeds to help “the flow” for want of a better way to put it.

But for the past couple days I haven’t been feeling too happy. There have been periods when it seemed to be working, but like right now its not. The other day at the gym, despite the fact that I work my core a lot and should look pretty slim around that area, I actually looked bloated and it felt disgusting.

Today I feel disgusting. I don’t want to do anything feeling like this. I don’t even want to move or go anywhere. Actually though I probably should have gone on for a ride on my bicycle which would have been gentle activity. Of course here in America its not like in Germany where there would be abundant places that I could go out to with my bicycle that are stress-free and relaxing. I could even bike all the way from the edge of town to the city center on a bicycle there and have a relaxing trip. Here there are almost no options. Even a short trip to the store a few blocks away can be a horrific, stressful experience where my life is risked and I’m exposed to abuse and hostility.

I started thinking about what else I can do to help get things moving, but every other option – for example taking senna tablets – has its own drawbacks. Basically the body can get used to it and it would be the same process all over again. At some point my body has to figurue out how to take care of itself without additional aids, but it feels like its now working.

It feels like my colon has a mind of its own. I’m have the feeling “Come on. I hate this feeling. Let’s go!” and its like my colon is just off doing its own thing. I feel kind of upset with it right now.

So its 8 p.m. and I broke down and make a cup of drip-over caffeinated coffee because the decaff this a.m. did nothing, the 2 tablespoons of psyllium I gulped last night at bedtime didn’t help, and I’m sick of this feeling!

I can understand now why I liked enemas so much. I don’t have to wait for my colon which is out in left field somewhere when I need it to be at first base to decide to take action.

I wonder if perhaps when I was a fetus in the womb my biological mother drank coffee or something? I think I remember reading that if a mother drinks coffee while pregnant then the child may need it to overcome things like feeling depressed. Maybe the same holds true for constipation.

Its not like I’m in pain or anything, it just feels like I’m carrying a 3 lb weight inside my lower abdomen.

I’ve ruled out going back to enemas as a solution. If enemas are causing disruption to intenstinal flora and possibly other issues as well, then even taking one would not be a good idea and I would have to go through the whole process again to rebalance my system.

I’m just hoping that this is a phase I have to go through to get better. But so far psyllium husk, chia water, and my diet which consists of pretty much nothing but high fiber foods like whole grains, fruits, and vegetables isn’t working.