Foundational issues (part 2)

Today before going out and returning the Perfection Lumiere 20 to the Chanel counter I decided to use more of an existing sample I had for the day’s makeup. I’ve now used it enough times to get a really good feel for it.

It does have excellent characteristics. After application, it basically looks like you have nothing on. It is extremely natural looking. One thing it does exceptionally well is that it does not exaggerate creases or lines.

I guess my only issue with it is that it is too natural. I know I’m a nitpicking idiot. But I used to love Mat Lumiere so much because it gave my skin that slighly refined, synthetic, polished look. And with Mat Lumiere that super-refined, polished yet soft look would last the entire day and look virtually identical at the end of the day.

While talking with an artist at Chanel while doing the return, I commented to her that I also felt that the coverage was good but not complete. There are a few areas of my face where I really need extremely good coverage. She said that Perfection Lumiere is their most complete coverage foundation. So I know I’m probably missing some things in terms of getting the most out of it. Hence:

I had the Perfection Lumiere 20 on and then went to visit a Dior counter. There I decided to try out their Diorskin Nude powder foundation since it was highly, highly recommended to me by more than one artist the other day when I had my makeover as being an excellent touch-up makeup when on-the-go.

I borrowed a really nice powder brush and tried it. Wow. I was amazed. It gave my face the most amazing, soft, and super-finished look without it even seeming like there was any powder on my skin at all. Absolutley no caking nor buildup of any kind, even with a fairly heavy application (which was deliberate as a test).

In addition to using the 020, which is the same as the liquid shade I was matched with the other day (and note the similarity to the Chanel shade) I also used some 040 as a bronzer. I just saw a Youtube video about doing makeup for going out to a club and she recommends not using a shimmery bronzer which many of the ones I have at home are.

Based on the video mentioned above I also thought about the idea of a makeup fixing spray and an artist today told me that Make Up Forever has a really good one. I went into Sephora and tried it. I then rode my bicycle back to my apartment which is an uphill ride into the wind. Definitely sweat-inducing. By the time I climbed the last hill towards my apartment I had to loosen my scarf and unbutton my jacket just to ventilate before going inside.

When I got home and saw my face I was just blown away. Being an avid bicyclist (and sometimes dancer and practioner of fitness) I cannot understand how/why I was not using this a long time ago!

I now have a bit of a dilemma because I did return the Perfection Lumiere and got the Diorskin Nude in both powder and liquid. It seems like the powder really went on the Perfection Lumiere very well and gave it that extra bit of oomph. Should I return the Diorskin Nude liquid and get the Perfection Lumiere again? Hehe. No, I think I will just stick with the Diorskin Nude and use it for the time being because the other day it did look excellent.

One final note I want to mention here, a personal one. It may seem like I’m overly attached to using cosmetics. I mentioned this in the previous post. But if used well (see above video) they can dramatically change one’s look and even if its only to make one’s own self feel better then it is eminently worth it.

I’ve often gone out to a club and “melted down” when I had to use a restroom and looked at myself in the mirror, covered with sweat and looking – well, like crap almost – and because I’m a TS it just kind of goes over my linmit of self-consciousness and I can’t deal with it and eventually go home.

Whether I’m justified in this hyper-sensitive self-conscious state or not is another question. But one can only assess their self and their presentation to the world to the best of their ability, and so whatever the assessment is, it is valid just because its the best one can do.

I guess I should really write a whole post about this, or perhaps a series of them, about assessing appearance and different feedback one gets from others (sometimes verbal and very direct like “You’re are gorgeous” to question marks based on others facial expressions which might not always be the most positive).

Anyhow, the other night I went out and I felt like I maintained my positive self-feeling better than I have almost ever before. People may read this and think “What?” and wonder what the hell I’m talking about. But for me it was like a victory to really stand in front of a mirror in public without fear and accept who I am and see that I am beautiful.

I feel that I’ve really worked hard to earn whatever small amount of beauty I might have. I am definitely not one of those people gifted with drop-dead gorgeous good looks. I eat well, try to get rest, not have too much stress (yeah, that’s really going well!), and stay fit. Not being gifted, I’ve had to really approach my health in a revolutionary way to become who I am. Hence the other night there was a good satisfaction for that small victory because I at least a little bit am creating who I want myself to be.

Sometimes I wish I could help others create who they want to be but then I think: Who would want to listen to a crazy transsexual freak? At least I’m a healthy crazy transsexual freak.

Because I know about the power of creating oneself I often can’t stand people who don’t empower themselves and then they “admire” me. I don’t accept that kind of “admiration”. That is not what I as a human being want in life. The highest expression of admiration is self-empowerment. Don’t make me out to be different than you are, I want to say. Get off your ass, change your habits, and have a revolution in your life. Stop killing animals. I don’t need any shit from you in the form of “admiration” and obviously not disdain either.


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