Were I Mayor (or President)

Were I mayor of my city, or perhaps president of the country, there is one thing that I would certainly do that no one has done before. Hopefully there would be other things as well that I would do that have not been done before, but, among all the things, there is this one which certainly I would do.

It is that as executive of either my city or my country, when I travel by bicycle I would have a motorcade of bicycle police with me. Their job would not only be to protect me – and have fun because that always is what the main point of riding a bicycle – and being alive also – should be – it would be to bust people violating the laws regarding vehicle noise (exhaust systems and loud stereos) and unsafe driving.

By the time I would be finished with my terms as mayor dumbass morons who ride Harleys and those with loud trucks and cars would be afraid to drive in my city, because the probability that they would get a ticket would be high.

Basically, wherever I went on my bicycle as chief executive, it would be a roving vehicle checkpoint to catch people in violation not only of the law, but of the basic principles of human decency which say that its not right to afflict others for no reason, that as a citizen and a neighbor you should keep your shit to yourself and respect those around you at all times.

Here are some other things I would do:

* Team up with bicycle equipment makers in order to promote safety and to help people prevent theft. For example I would try to team up with makers of signaling equipment such as lights and perhaps have a kit that can be available at a discount to city residents who ride bicycles. Along with the kit would be information on the importance of safety and using lights.

As far as preventing theft, I would also team up with bicycle equipment manufacturers to help promote things like theft-proof fasteners and bolts, and again provide an information sheet with tips on how to prevent theft. In fact I might even offer a subsidy to bicyclists to get theft-proof wheel hubs and seat bolts. I’m sure cost of providing a kit to every bicyclist would be more than offset by the savings in reduced law enforcement because of fewer thefts.