Life Force Sickness

I think I may have, finally, figured out what is wrong with me, after all this time. Something which was always inexplicable, which I could not understand, and which I tried over and over to comprehend but never could.

I think that I have Life Force Sickness. There is too much life force in me. That is why people react the way they do. That is why I have been so perplexed.

When people experience my presence, they are being affected by the intense life force that emanates through me. I was never able, for all these years, to understand why they were acting they way they did. I became angry and upset. I have a lot of pain. I have felt singled-out and as if I have been mocked and deliberately humiliated.

I have too much life force. I am like a lightning rod which has not made contact with whatever medium it is that causes the intense, accumulated energy to release. It is all still in me. The contrast, the disparity between me and my environment is extreme. By environment I do not just mean physical environment of course, but also psychological, social, and cultural environment.

That is why no one has been able to help me, why I have not been able to find anyone to help.

At least now I finally have found and explanation, and maybe I can put the pieces together to figure out how to live in this world.

I feel sick right now. I feel like vomiting. Everything in the world makes me sad and breaks my heart.