Heaven

Dancing tonight on the dance floor – the feeling is like being in heaven. I love it!

I’m so glad people can just be together and experience happiness together.

But there is something that also distresses me. I don’t know how to approach it. I find that some people are pushy. Some guys can be exceptionally pushy on the dance floor. Of course its kind of flattering to be the subject of attention. But aside from that, if one does not succumb to the weakness of wanting to be flattered, what if one just innocently wants to be able to dance with other people and flirt with them?

But it is not that simple. Because in the minds of the guys they see that you are opening to them, they interpret it as if you are assenting to doing something with them. So then, in the end, you have to push them away because they go too far.

This whole climate of what feels like clinginess makes me question such things in myself. But then what if I also feel attracted to someone or, more importantly, inspired by them? Is my feeling any different than the clingy guys?

So I personally feel hesitant to really show any interest because I don’t want to be like the clingy guys. The whole situation is kind of a mess. And basically it all comes down to this kind of greediness, this attachment.

But I thought the teachings about attachment were clear. These are ancient teachings which have been around for a long time. I imagine a different sort of environment that is free from that clinginess.

It feels like nothing is right. I’m not sure about this. I just want to experience good energy but then it seems that the human need for more ruins it, which is the opposite of the way it should be. Shouldn’t we humans be celebrating our connections?

I’m not sure if the world is messed up or I am messed up. I start out with sincerity and just wanting to have a good time but then feel like I get burned all the time.

It makes me feel like I want to go away and live alone on a mountain somewhere. Or find some really humble, low-key kind of person who is kind of the opposite of me externally but similar internally. I feel like an alien on this planet. I wish more than anything that I could be on my home planet.